How to Deal With Being Passed Over

John Krautzel
Posted by in Career Advice


Getting turned down for any job is difficult, but being passed over for a job within your own company is especially hard to bear. Unlike a rejection from a company you apply to from the outside, missing out on a promotion or transfer with your own employer can feel like a betrayal. How you deal with and recover from this disappointment can influence your future with the company.

Don't Take It Personally

If the promotion or transfer you've been passed over for was something you really wanted, you probably invested a lot of emotional energy into getting the job. Sometimes it takes months to move through the process, and missing out can feel like a terrible letdown. Don't let that disappointment get you; the decision to promote someone else or hire from outside was almost certainly motivated by business considerations rather than personal ones, and hurt feelings can get in the way of further growth with the company.

Ask for Feedback

Instead of brooding over the possible reasons you were passed over, try directly asking the manager who made the final decision. Respectfully asking what you could have done to present a better option is a very productive way to channel your feelings after being passed over for two reasons. First, it helps you make sense of the disappointment. You may have thought your skills and experience were a perfect match for the job you wanted, but management might have had other criteria in mind. The company might have wanted a candidate with a few extra years of experience, for instance, or someone with a background in marketing. Learning the reason you were passed over can help you understand the decision, and you might even find yourself in agreement that the successful candidate more closely matches what the hiring managers wanted.

The second reason to ask for feedback is that it signals to management that you don't take rejection personally and that you have the maturity to accept the final decision. That kind of attitude toward professional setbacks is a hallmark of management, and your productive response to the temporary disappointment of being passed over for one promotion may improve your chances of getting the next one.

Adjust as Needed

Perhaps the most important reason to ask for feedback is to learn exactly what the company seeks when senior positions open up, and how you can adjust to be a better fit. Right after you hear the bad news, try scheduling a meeting with your supervisor and the manager of the department you want to join. Tell them you're interested in the next position that opens, and ask for their help in becoming the company's ideal candidate. This mentorship arrangement can give you renewed energy to go back to your old position knowing that you're working toward the next round of promotions.

Missing out on a dream job can make you feel like all your work has been in vain, but your reaction determines whether this professional setback is temporary or permanent. Control your feelings, ask for advice, and make the necessary changes to give yourself the best possible shot at doing better next time.


Photo courtesy of Sira Amanwong at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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  • Steven R.
    Steven R.

    As a seasoned employee, make sure your company actually has a mentoring process......otherwise, you need to look outside. I've had 17 different bosses in 32 years......little if any time to do any mentoring. If this is you.....in today's world, start shopping. Just going in and doing great work will get you.....more work.

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